Saying “no” without the guilt

Lately, I’ve had the opportunity to say, “no” to a number of personal and business-related requests, invitations, and, probably nearly a millionNo sign after-school activities for my daughter. It seems mind-boggling sometimes to face the sheer volume of ways that we can use our time.

I have to say that I am somewhat addicted to busyness and can easily fall over a cliff of being so insanely busy, that, well, it makes me act insane. When I get this busy I lose the joy in the activity and in those around me. I lash out, I struggle, and I shutdown some of the areas that are vital to my existence, especially in the realms of relationships and creativity.

Saying “yes” to everything and “doing it all” is definitely toxic for me.  However, I often experience anxiety over saying no. What will other people think? If I’m not busy, what will I do with my time? (And I know I’ve jumped off the metaphorical cliff, when I land at a thought that can be comically summarized as, “If I’m not saving the world, who will?”)

Now imagine what happens when I have one of those unusual days where my schedule is not packed. I start to question my self-worth. If I’m not busy and being productive, what is my purpose for being? (If you’re following this mental condition, then you know that being sick is incredibly difficult for me.)

Being busy is highly valued by me (and by our society), so I often feel guilty about saying “no” and admitting, “I can’t do it all.” I can’t keep a perfectly clean house, work two jobs, balance the family budget, throw an awesome party, exercise until I look like a gym-rat, and keep all my relationships in tip-top shape. (Certainly there must be something I forgot on that list.)  And then there is the other painful realization that, “I don’t do everything well. There are many things that I’m plainly not good at.” Ah, the perfectionist trap!

Some people like to remind me that, I’m not a human doing, I’m a human being. Oh, I love that saying. It’s funny, isn’t it? When have you chatted lately about your beingness? For someone like me, how do I get in touch with my beingness? How do I disconnect from my to-do list and reconnect with my soul?  If you follow this blog, you know the importance of Reiki and nature in my life.  These are essential for me to switch from doing to being. After I’ve done that, I can be more present for my family and myself.

How do you say, “no” and disconnect from busyness and perfectionism? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Wishing you love, light, and the peace of knowing you’re enough exactly as you are!

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