Too nice?

Kindness is Life FuelHas anyone ever said to you, “You’re too nice.”? People have said that to me and I’m always puzzled by their statement. What does it mean to be too nice? Is this even possible? As I’ve reflected upon this I see that there are times when I am too nice. When I put other people’s needs ahead of mine. When I don’t play by the rules of the game but rather by my rules for kindness. These both might be instances of being too nice.

In the first case, when I put other people’s needs ahead of mine, I may in fact be too nice. I may be giving them too much and putting them ahead of me in a way that is unfair to my needs. However, there may be times when my needs can be put aside ahead of someone else’s as a kind gesture that helps them through a certain situation or a difficult time or it’s simply an act of kindness.

In the second case, where I don’t follow the rules and put kindness first, this can be problematic as it may interrupt the social norm for behavior at that time. I may be putting kindness ahead of competitiveness which breaks with the rule that everyone else is following. Sometimes this is completely appropriate, I think, especially when the competitiveness leads to unkindness.

How do we make sure we’re creating the right balance between our personal needs and our desire to be kind? How do we help others while at the same time taking good care of ourselves? For me, this often takes the form of a gut check. How am I feeling about myself at this moment? Am I feeling good and confident about myself? Or is the action that I’m about to take causing me to set aside my highest self?

In order to do this gut check, you must be connected to your feelings. This requires ongoing check ins with your mind, body, and spirit because if you lose that connection to yourself you won’t have an effective gut check.  You’ll be so tuned out to yourself that you won’t know how you feel.

As always, excellent self-care through great food, exercise, Reiki, social connections, sleep, and all those things that make you most fulfilled, allow you to keep in contact with your feelings so gut checking can happen quickly and with integrity.  Then go for it and be kind to your heart’s content!

Wishing you abundant kindness!