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A Vow to Myself

Wedding VowThis article also appears on The Huffington Post

My abs are tight, stomach flat, legs and arms strong and fit, I haven’t had a cold in months – I’m beautiful. I love myself. This body, she is wonderful and I feel so much love for her.

But then . . . something changes. A cold sneaks up on me and I’m sneezing, stuffy, and coughing – feeling miserable. Or I’m busy at work and haven’t done any crunches in weeks and my abdominal muscles return to their womanly shape. Or time has simply marched on and my muscle tone and skin tone have changed – not so tight anymore. I show my age.

How can I love this body? She’s not pleasing me right now. She doesn’t allow me to maintain the façade of youth. She gets sick – sometimes very seriously sick. How can she do this to me?

Can I love my body in sickness and in health? Can I love her unconditionally?

Honestly, that has been difficult for me. When things aren’t just right with my body, I notice my thoughts are not as kind, not as gentle. I hear my mind say, “How could this have happened?” As if I’m immune to all illness, injury, and aging. Then I hear, “If I don’t look great, I’ll lose so much in my life: work, relationships, attention.” Now, really mind is that true?

Let’s take a moment here for The Work from Byron Katie:

  1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

This thought is pretty easy to deconstruct:

  1. No
  2. [Skip]
  3. I’m mean to my body. I don’t treat her well. I’m judging her negatively and I want to hide her.
  4. I would be a being of love and light. I would love her unconditionally.

Ah, love unconditionally. Can I love my body as I love my beloved? Can I treat her the way I treat those I love the most in my life? Why is this so hard?

For me, I know that my expectations for my body are unrealistic. I also have habits of mind, deeply indoctrinated by our culture that are not kind and loving toward my body.

Lovingkindness extended to my body, just as I love my beloved. From this day forward I’m resolving to love my body . . . in sickness and in health. And so I’m offering this vow to my body, my beloved in this earthly realm:

I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.

Wishing you an abundance of love that fills your being: body, mind, and spirit.

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Love First

I’ve finally come to realize that this is my intention for 2014: Love First.  On the surface it seems so simple and easy.  My mind says, “Of course, love first.  No problem,” but to put this into practice is another matter entirely.  This is not easy in the face of many other things that my mind and ego want to go first, for instance:

  • Be right first
  • Be angry first, especially when others don’t acknowledge that I am right!
  • Be heard first
  • Be judgmental first
  • Be self-righteous first
  • Be better than others first
  • Be fearful first
  • Be protective first
  • Be selfish first
  • Just be first  . . .

Now, what happens when I love first?  I’ve noticed when I love first I release my anger.  When I love first, I move past small injuries to my ego and see the light and love in the other person’s being.  This has been working really well with my family and can be helpful in other settings where I feel safe and able to open in this way.  Loving first is incredibly powerful in all settings, however, for finding the right words.  When speaking in a loving way, my words are more mindful and, in general, I listen in a more profound way.

For this Valentine’s Day, I wish you the strength and resolve to love first.  So I am replacing the above list with the following:

  • Love first
  • Love first
  • Love first
  • Love first
  • Love first
  • Love first
  • Love first
  • Love first
  • Love first
  • Just be loving

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My Lenten Intention: Health, Love, Peace

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I have an intention for Lent. For the next 40 days, I will practice self-love and peacefulness. I anticipate that this will be very difficult. A couple of years ago I gave up self-criticism for Lent and failed miserably which only brought on more self-criticism. As Christine Reed notes, it’s easier to give up chocolate.

With previous experience as my guide I’m trying to set myself up for success. Here are some of the components of my practice as I envision it on Day 1. I will:

    Talk nicely to myself. I am beautiful. I am strong. Etc.

    Comfort myself with the equivalent of a back rub or holding hands (signs of love)

    Smile

    Laugh. I LOVE to laugh!

    Support my dreams and aspirations

    Listen to myself

    Affirm myself

    Make choices that are loving to me

    Forgive . . . And forget

    Accept myself as I am

    Surround myself with supporters

    Love others

Some of the concrete things I will do include

    Give up dessert in order to practice more healthy food choices

    Practice longer self-Reiki sessions, including absent Reiki for myself

    Breathe deeply for calmness

    Meditate for peacefulness

    Practice yoga

    Spend time with family, friends and in nature to cultivate positive vibes

Wish me luck! I’ll report back here on my practice.

What are your intentions for the next 40 days? Will you use Reiki to support your goals?

Wishing you abundant love!