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Time to Eat my Humble Pie

Last week, I was honored with an award from the women’s running group that Picture of humble pieI’m part of and my immediate reaction was, “I don’t deserve that.”

There is a pattern in my thoughts, and maybe yours too, one that says:

“I don’t deserve to have that chocolate cake because I didn’t run today.”

“I don’t deserve to get that promotion at work because what I do is not technical.”

“I don’t deserve to live in my dream house because I’ve made bad choices in the past.”

“I don’t deserve to have fun and be proud of my running because I’m not fast.”

This all made me realize that I need to eat my humble pie. Not in the usual way that expression is used but rather in a metaphorical way, where my pie is made of an excess of humility to the point of making my world view that of being a person of lesser status.

You see the pattern, the one that says – I’m not enough, I’m not worthy, I’m less than – it gets in the way. It blocks the things I desire from entering my life.

This pattern is one that I’ve been trying to turn on its head by changing my thoughts to:

I deserve.

I deserve that chocolate cake.

I deserve that new blouse.

I deserve the gift from a friend.

I deserve that recognition at work.

How might my life be different if I faced my day by recognizing my innate worth? As Maria Shriver says in her essay, I’ve Learned that I Deserve, “It’s not selfish or arrogant. It’s a way to be kind and loving to yourself.”

If I started there – feeling empowered by all that is good – I might more easily fulfill my needs and those of others.

Will I get everything I want and need? Indeed not. Life will still throw injustices and hard times my way as it does to everyone else, but I’ll face it all – the good and the bad – with the strength and power of my worth – because I deserve to give and receive love and all the gifts of the universe.

So please excuse me while I munch on my humility.

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Everyday Mindfulness

This post also appears on The Huffington Post

“If you really want to be a rebel, practice kindness.”
The Kindness Rebellion by Sharon Salzberg

Stop. Notice. Or don’t stop. Keep going AND notice. It’s all here for you right now.mindfulness meditation

Lately, I’ve been putting a focus on everyday mindfulness as a way to increase kindness and calm in my life. For me this means not just the mindfulness of the meditation cushion and the Reiki session. It also means the mindfulness – the deep awareness – of the ordinary.

An example of everyday mindfulness is feeling the water while I’m washing my hands. Noticing its temperature and the sensation of the water on my skin. Seeing the bubbles of the soap and smelling the scent of the soap. Hearing the sound of the water flowing from the faucet and into the sink. Still . . . only washing for 60 seconds or less, though in those moments – those seconds – completely mindful of washing my hands.

This exploration allows me to experience the sacred in the ordinary. It takes me deeply into all the gifts of this abundant life . . . the water, the soap, the knowledge, the care, the ability . . . to wash my hands. So ordinary, so divine.

You may be reading this and saying to yourself, “How can you revel in such an ordinary and mundane task when the world is imploding upon itself?! When we’re faced with constant violence and hatred. Wake up and fight.”

And, yes, I hear you. I can’t read the news or interact on Facebook without crying. I hear you, my heart breaks constantly and I speak up as I can. And my path is one of peace. My path is one of the warrior of peace. I will stand calmly in the face of violence. I will be a source of love, kindness, and calm.

In order to do that, I need to cultivate it. To create calm in me, I need to practice it. To be able to smile and reassure those who are suffering, I must be sincere in my peacefulness. To be able to listen calmly and provide helpful guidance, I must be calm. I must be able to be present. Here in the ordinary of everydayness and in the extraordinary face of violence and upheaval.

I’m not saying that this is your path or should be your path. I’m simply saying this is the way for me. The path to peaceful presence and kindness for me is through everyday mindfulness.

I’m able to access that through the practices of Reiki and meditation and ongoing, daily, moment-to-moment reminders to be myself, to be here – not in the past and not in the future. Here at this red light, this opportunity to breath, to notice my hands on the wheel and my feet touching the floor, and the sensation of a small smile that comes over my face that reminds those around me that I am safe, I am calm. I am.

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Self-love: Calling my body, “she”

This post also appears on The Huffington Post.

Photo by Janice E Lodato Calling my body she

One day as I entered a bathroom stall at work, I was thinking about my body. “It’s tired. It’s old. It aches.” — were the thoughts that went through my head. Then I stopped myself, both mind and body, and thought, “Why don’t you call your body “she”?” After 50 years on this planet this thought arrived as a revelation. I’ve always called this body, “it” and, unfortunately, there have been times I’ve treated it with disdain. Like many others I have struggled with liking and loving myself, especially my body.

For me, I clearly identify my body as female and calling her “she” makes sense. I know for others that perspective is not as clear and the words may be different for them, but I invite all of us to at least address our body with an animate pronoun or a name.

These bodies are pretty amazing. Let’s start with a few examples.

  1. Your Body, She is a healing machine. Our bodies are constantly working toward a state of health and equilibrium.
  2. Your Body, She enables you to do so much. To see the beauty of a sunrise, to hear the sounds of uplifting music, to walk in the woods – to name just a few. She is an enabler, not a burden.
  3. Your Body, She provides you with awareness. Not just body awareness, but also emotional awareness. As we tune-in to our bodies they tell us the truth about how we’re feeling and provide us with instinctual awareness about situations and the people in our lives.

Why would you not call your body, “she”? Because she gets sick and dies? Because she gets fat or thin with no rhyme or reason? Because she is subject to scrutiny and criticism by others, especially doctors and our inner self-critic? But she is just having a human experience. She is a human body with all its wonderful aspects and all of its imperfection. If she were your friend, would you treat her the way you treat your very own body?

So, is calling your body, “she,” really helpful? I have found that when I’m talking about my body as a “she” my thoughts and actions are gentler. For instance, the other day my knee hurt – maybe from running too much or too fast or from stretching too little. My mind said, “Go running anyway, you’ll be fine.” But my body . . . she said, “Please rest. One day off and a little extra stretching would do me wonders.” So, because I respect her and her innate wisdom, I rested. I stretched. The next day I felt great and was ready to roll again. She showed me how appreciative she was and I ran with ease and comfort.

This body, she really is wonderful. She accompanies me on great adventures, is a guiding force in so many of life’s pleasures, she shares her wisdom (often so quietly that I have to stop and listen and just breathe and sometimes with such force I’m startled by the sudden clenching of my stomach or how my breath is taken away). She is a kind companion on this journey of life and I bow in honor to her – my first best friend.

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5 Reiki Precepts: Applying them to your life

Japanese print

In one of Phyllis Furumoto’s recent YouTube videos she responded to a question that someone had sent in regarding listening to spirit guides. When I heard the question, I was intrigued to see how she would respond to it because she teaches a very traditional form of Reiki that is very close to the teachings she received from her grandmother. (I was also imagining the question being directed at me and how I would have trouble answering this question myself.)

Phyllis, of course, answered the question with great skill and compassion. The first thing that she said was, “My only guide is Reiki.” Then she went on to state, “I have Reiki inside me. I listen to myself. I follow the five precepts.” In her experience, she does not have spirit guides in the way that the questioner was asking about, however, she is guided by the practice and the teachings of those who came before her in this lineage.

After listening to this, I spent some time reflecting upon what it means to follow the five Reiki precepts. To review the 5 precepts are:

Just for today:

  1. Don’t get angry
  2. Don’t worry
  3. Be grateful
  4. Work diligently
  5. Be kind to others

These have been presented and translated in many different forms but the meaning is basically the same. They provide guideposts for right action. Certainly they are not revolutionary and they clearly align with other systems for ethical action.

When Phyllis answered the question about listening to your guides, she was definitely aligning herself with the precepts. She didn’t exhibit anger or worry. She was appreciative of the question. And she carefully crafted her answer while being kind to the person who answered the question and others who might have the same question.

In our day-to-day lives, we will experience anger and worry. Being Reiki practitioners does not make us immune to our emotions (and definitely should not lead to repression of our feelings). However, how we express those feelings, how we behave towards others, and how we show our gratitude, our work ethic, and our kindness define us as Reiki practitioners.

How do you apply the Reiki Precepts in your life? Please let us know in the comments below.

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Too nice?

Kindness is Life FuelHas anyone ever said to you, “You’re too nice.”? People have said that to me and I’m always puzzled by their statement. What does it mean to be too nice? Is this even possible? As I’ve reflected upon this I see that there are times when I am too nice. When I put other people’s needs ahead of mine. When I don’t play by the rules of the game but rather by my rules for kindness. These both might be instances of being too nice.

In the first case, when I put other people’s needs ahead of mine, I may in fact be too nice. I may be giving them too much and putting them ahead of me in a way that is unfair to my needs. However, there may be times when my needs can be put aside ahead of someone else’s as a kind gesture that helps them through a certain situation or a difficult time or it’s simply an act of kindness.

In the second case, where I don’t follow the rules and put kindness first, this can be problematic as it may interrupt the social norm for behavior at that time. I may be putting kindness ahead of competitiveness which breaks with the rule that everyone else is following. Sometimes this is completely appropriate, I think, especially when the competitiveness leads to unkindness.

How do we make sure we’re creating the right balance between our personal needs and our desire to be kind? How do we help others while at the same time taking good care of ourselves? For me, this often takes the form of a gut check. How am I feeling about myself at this moment? Am I feeling good and confident about myself? Or is the action that I’m about to take causing me to set aside my highest self?

In order to do this gut check, you must be connected to your feelings. This requires ongoing check ins with your mind, body, and spirit because if you lose that connection to yourself you won’t have an effective gut check.  You’ll be so tuned out to yourself that you won’t know how you feel.

As always, excellent self-care through great food, exercise, Reiki, social connections, sleep, and all those things that make you most fulfilled, allow you to keep in contact with your feelings so gut checking can happen quickly and with integrity.  Then go for it and be kind to your heart’s content!

Wishing you abundant kindness!